“I feel a release,” I said to my mother as we ate dinner Friday evening. I had just had a brain MRI to see what might be causing the incredible malaise I have been feeling for the past month or so. I thought I may have had another stroke. Later in the evening, shortly before going to bed, I remembered that it was a full moon that night, which meant it was the phase in the moon’s cycle when we are called upon to release anything in our life that isn’t serving us for our higher good.
So what was this release that I felt after having my MRI? I have been pondering this for the past couple of days and this is what has come to me…
Could it be as simple as feeling comfort that I would soon find out why I have been feeling so bad? Knowing what is wrong would allow me to take the steps necessary to face the challenge. For example, if it IS another stroke, perhaps that means returning to rehab, taking medication and/or having surgery. So perhaps the release I felt was just that – the knowing.
OR, was it something more profound? If you know anything about me, you know that I always look for the deeper meaning in everything. So what was this release telling me on a more esoteric level? And then I remembered the dream I had Thursday night before the full moon.
I dreamed about Bob, a man from my past whom I worked with in corporate America at IBM in the mid-1980’s. I feel that he was in my dream as the emissary of the same message that I have been struggling with since I had my stroke – “surrender, let go”. You see, Bob was a very laid back, go-with-the-flow sort of man, the complete opposite of the way I was back then – driven and controlling. He was a peacemaker; I was a warrior. He was the feminine; I was the masculine. As you might know, the stroke that I had in 2011 has been the catalyst for my journey in which my feminine essence has begun to emerge and integrate with my more dominant masculine essence. The final desired outcome is the union of the two.
In my dream, I felt myself being slightly resistant to Bob’s missive, as my warrior side was making one last attempt to have the upper hand. His unspoken message of surrender was bringing balance between the two opposing but complementary energies. On a profound level, that is what I feel the release was all about.
On one hand, from the “mundane” view of my release, the MRI would give me the information I (and my doctors) need to determine the appropriate physical treatment to fully heal. On the other hand, I have the inner wisdom to know what I must do to fully heal. They will work in concert to propel me further forward down the path to my full recovery. But how will they work together?
First, I would like to tell you of a message I received during meditation about a week ago. It said “Don’t worry. A miracle will happen.” Needless to say, I had been anxious about my MRI and what it might reveal. Would it be another stroke? Or something of even greater magnitude since the pressure in my head has been incredibly intense? What was this relapse about? I had been doing great, going to the gym and building strength, stamina and stability. I thought I was finally on the road to full healing, ready to take on the world after so many fits and starts. And then I took a nosedive, spiraling out of control. My head was a pressure cooker. I couldn’t get up off the couch to go to the restroom. I didn’t want to get out of bed. My right side felt disconnected from my body. I didn’t feel human anymore. A psychic reading confirmed what I felt. I had truly spiraled downward one final time (at least for this phase of my spiritual journey, which is neverending so long as I am incarnated in a physical from).
What I needed to do was surrender to it, accepting what is, having the inner wisdom to know that all was divinely orchestrated as part of my journey and that if I tried to resist or control it, it would be to my detriment. Yet I still needed to do my part, and that also included surrendering and accepting what is, but also knowing that, on the physical level, I would need to do what it took to physically heal my body, whether that would be rehab, medication, surgery, etc.
So…I look forward to seeing what happens from now until the New Moon on September 30, the time of new beginnings, and then the next Full Moon on October 15, the next time for release. And so on…the neverending story of life! What will the MRI reveal? What will be the treatment? What about the miracle? What it will entail? When will it happen? Oh dear, I am asking too many questions. I can hear Bob calling “surrender, let go!” I still struggle. I still want to command, to control.
Release, surrender, let go!
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ERICA TUCCI had a full life as a corporate manager of a Fortune 500 company, a healing arts business owner and an author. It all came to a screeching halt in June 2011 when she had a stroke. During her recovery, she gained much wisdom about what’s really important in life. Although she was a Reiki master, massage therapist and life coach as well as a corporate cog for many years, she realized that her passion was her books. Her hope now is that the messages of her books will be an inspiration for others, young and old. Visit her websites at www.ericatucci.com, www.sarahsgiftseries.com and www.radiantsurvivor.com.